It did not have me
by xxLostxLovexx
Summary: I will not let it have me.. I refuse.


Authors Note: This is not my writing. My Boyfriend Adrian sent this to me maybe a few months before he died or longer then that.. but his sister Charisma aka Chari wrote this and he sent it to me but I don't know if she would be comfortable with me sharing this to whoever reads it.. but idk I feel like it shouldn't just linger in my inbox only to be reopened when i find myself missing them.. Yes they both died from the same disease but anyway here you go. I don't think she ever titled it though so yeah.. I'm sorry Chari i really am if this feels like going behind your back and you too Adrian.. i miss you guys so much..

It can't be, they must have mixed up the vials  
How can a five year old endure chemotherapy and radiation?  
I will not let steroids and nausea take over my youthful body  
I am not sick, that blood is not mine  
My beautiful locks will stay on my head  
I will not have a port, or whatever you call it stick out of my chest  
No kid will be picking on me because of my appearance  
I will never stay, sleep, or step near a hospital  
It is a scary place  
I am not sick, that blood is not mine  
I will never be a cancer patient  
I do not have mutated cells destroying my youthful body  
My life will not change  
This horrible nightmare will end  
I am not sick, that blood is not mine

I was fragile because I didn't eat  
I didn't eat because I wasn't hungry  
I was pale because I didn't go outside  
I didn't go outside because I didn't want to  
I was exhausted because I didn't sleep  
I didn't sleep because I was in pain  
I was weak because I didn't play  
I didn't play with because I laid on the couch  
I laid on the couch because it didn't take any effort  
I was not normal because I didn't feel normal  
I didn't feel normal because I was different  
I was different because I had cancer

The chemicals in my water caused me to get sick  
The pollution in the air I breathed caused me to get sick  
The radiation emitted from metal detectors caused me to get sick  
The genes passed on to me by my parents caused me to get sick  
I am trapped in the body that sabotaged me  
The metal from the pen cap I chewed caused me to get sick  
The plastic wrappings of my favorite candy caused me to get sick  
The toys I played with caused me to get sick  
The flowers in my room caused me to get sick  
I am trapped in the body that sabotaged me  
The aerosol spray my mom used caused me to get sick  
The time I forgot to wear sunscreen caused me to get sick  
The dirt on the ground caused me to get sick  
The mutated blood cells in my body caused me to get sick  
I am trapped in the body that sabotaged me

I had to swallow pills and have an IV because I was sick  
I was sick because of mutated cells in my body  
It hurt to do the activities I loved because my muscles were sore  
I felled down while walking about because my fragile body  
Couldn't handle the poison dripping in my veins  
I wore a cap, bandana, and a headband because my hair fell out  
My hair fell out because of the chemotherapy and radiation I had to endure  
I laid in a hospital bed because I was stuck in isolation  
I was stuck in isolation because of the germs  
I did not look like a little normal girl because I was different  
I was different because I had cancer

I wish I could take back the time I yelled at my siblings  
I wish I could take back the time I said I hate you to my mother  
I wish I could take back the time I screamed their hurting me  
I wish I could take back the time I let my anger out  
It was the cancers fault for making me feel this way  
I wish I could take back the time I punched a kid in the face  
I wish I could take back the time I tried to run away  
I wish I could take back the time I broke my mom's favorite picture of me and her  
I wish I could take back the time I stole a dress-up wig from my friend  
It was the cancers fault for making me feel this way  
I wish I could take back the time I got sick in the first place  
I wish I could take back the time I caused pain to my family  
I wish I could take back the time I ruined my 6th birthday surprise party  
I wish I could take back the time I spit out my medicine  
It was the cancers fault for making me feel this way

I wanted to know why my childhood was taken away from me  
I needed a reason on why I became sick in the first place  
So I wouldn't blame myself for getting sick  
I couldn't blame myself because other people we sick like me too  
I learned that cancer was more than an illness because my life was changed forever  
It changed my life forever because it threatened to take my life away  
I told myself I had to fight because I wanted to see what the future had in store  
I still didn't think I was a normal girl because I still felt different  
I still felt different because I had cancer

My blood was under that microscope  
They did not mix up my vials  
I had to endure chemotherapy and radiation  
Steroids and nausea took over my youthful body  
I was sick, that blood was mine  
My beautiful locks fell from my hair  
A port was sticking out of my chest to deliver medication to my veins  
Kids picked on me because of my appearance  
I stayed, slept, and stepped in the hospital for the remainder of my childhood life  
I was sick, that blood was mine  
I had mutated cells destroying my body  
I was a cancer patient in the pediatric ward  
My life had changed dramatically  
And I never woke up to reality  
I was sick, that blood was mine

The way I look at the world is different from others  
It's because I am a survivor  
I look forward to what the future brings  
Because I know it will be awesome and bright  
It will be awesome and bright because I will get to embrace every opportunity that comes along my way  
I am thankful for all the doctors, nurses, family, friends, and the community who helped save my life  
I am honored to be here today because I conquered my battle with Leukemia  
I conquered Leukemia because of all the support I had to keep me strong.

I had cancer, but cancer never had me.


End file.
